I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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