So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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