Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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