Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize