Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
