This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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