I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
