Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
