the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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