Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
