me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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