saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
