I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
