When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
