You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
