You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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