her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
