is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
