why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize