Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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