Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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