come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
