She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
