I must be too annoying 4 u.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
vagina is talking i cant
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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