he was CRYING into my vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
