He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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