So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
