M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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