I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
