Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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