did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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