You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
