pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
