see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
