He told me they were just razor bumps!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
