2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
