You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
