Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
