Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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