I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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