I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
