drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize