he wants to bone in the snuggie
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
