She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
