here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When did angry sex become our thing?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
