just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
