I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
