Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize