I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
