He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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