Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
