You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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