Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
