My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
