if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
