Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
