Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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