Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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