Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
