In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
