KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
