It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
