Jerry, you need to find god
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
