I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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