i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
