If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
