I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
