Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize