Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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