You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
