The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
