im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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