i permit you to call me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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