Welp...herpes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
