i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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