Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
