Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
