I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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