peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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