I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize